Humor 2
If you love him, set him free, if he doesn't come back, HE'S PROBABLY WITH ME!
A pretty girl can kiss a guy, a bird can kiss a butterfly, the rising sun can kiss the grass, and you my friend can kiss my ass!
I didn't lose the keys this time, I lost the whole damn car!
I was born to please, and taught to tease.
Beat me if you can, survive if I let you.
"Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is." -Barbara Bush (Former US First Lady)
"Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in." -Courtney Cox (Monica on "Friends")
"My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee - the natural enemy of a tightrope walker." -Dan Rather (News anchorman)
"I saw a large woman wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said, 'Thyroid problem?" -Arnold Schwarzenegger
(some) girls are like wolves they travel in packs and don't quit gnawing at you 'till they get what they want. -Josh Hunter
Rules are just hazards that get in the way of perfection. -Josh Hunter
Don't play stupid with me. I'm better at it.
George Carlin's Thought On Life....
The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. And then you die. What's that? A bonus? I think the life-cycle is all backwards.
You should die first and get it all over with.
Then you live in an old age home.
You get kicked out when you're too young.
You get a gold watch.
You go to work.
You work forty years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement.
You do drugs, alcohol and party.
You get ready for high school.
You go to grade school and become a kid.
You play. You have no responsibilities.
You become a little baby & go back into the womb.
You spend your last nine months floating...
Then, you finish off as an orgasm. I like it.
Playing Doctor is for kids... let's play Gynecologist!
You could put me in a football stadium full of guys, and I'd pick the wrong one! -Jo Dee Messina
Now I lay me down to sleep, a bottle of vodka at my feet. If I shall die before I wake... tell my girls I drank it straight.
For those foolish enough to believe to be brave is to die for your country, try living for it!
Procrastination's like masturbation, you're only fucking yourself.
Happiness is like peeing on yourself; everyone can see it, but only you can feel its warmth.
I've gone out to look for myself and if I get back before I return please tell myself to wait.
One bright day in the middle of the night, two dead boys arose for a fight. They turned their backs and faced each other, pulled out their swords and shot each other. One deaf policeman who heard the noise came over and killed those two dead boys. If you don't believe this lie is true, ask the blind man who saw it too!
It seems like yesterday we were talking about wearing bras, now all we're talking about is taking them off.
