QuoteCharm

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm in love, but not with you.
When we broke up,
You thought I'd cry,
But all it was was another guy.
You told your friends that I was a trick,
I told mine, You had a small dick.
I said I loved you, though it was true, but guess what?
Baby you got played too!

I live in my own little world, but it's ok... they know me here.

If you wanna be seen
Stand up
If you wanna be heard
Speak up
If you wanna be appreciated
Shut up!

I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.
-- David Dinkins

I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me are furious.

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm the only one moving.

Some people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

My fear is that there's no such thing as PMS and this is my real personality!

It freezes up on me a lot, it plays games with me, and I can turn it on with a push of a button. Yea pretty much call it a guy.

You'd be pretty good-looking if it wasn't for your face.

"Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Afghanistan."
-- A. Whitney Brown

Do you know why they call it "PMS"? Because "Mad Cow Disease" was taken.
-- Unknown, presumed deceased

The second day of a diet is always easier than the first.
By the second day you're off it.
-- Jackie Gleason

"Women complain about premenstrual syndrome, but I think of it as the only time of the month that I can be myself."
-- Roseanne

"What makes me tick? I don't know, but the noise is driving me nuts."
-- Michael Hayward

"The trouble with some women is that they get all excited about nothing - and then marry him."
-- Cher

"If you never want to see a man again, say, "I love you. I want to marry you. I want to have children -- they leave skid marks."
-- Rita Rudner

"Can you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy, fat women."
-- Marion Smith

"Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the 'Titanic' who waved off the dessert cart."
-- Erma Bombeck

"Being Perfect may be okay for Barbie, but remember: she ended up with Ken, the man with no genitalia."
-- Carrie Ashman

Advice for the day: If you have a lot of tension and you get a headache, do what it says on the aspirin bottle: "Take two aspirin" and "Keep away from children."

"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar."
-- Drew Carey

"The problem with the designated driver program, it's not a desirable job, but if you ever get sucked into doing it, have fun with it. At the end of the night, drop them off at the wrong house."
-- Jeff Foxworthy

"Relationships are hard. It's like a full time job, and we should treat it like one. If your boyfriend or girlfriend wants to leave you, they should give you two weeks' notice. There should be severance pay, and before they leave you, they should have to find you a temp."
--Bob Ettinger

"My Mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, 'Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim."
-- Paula Poundstone

You're a man? A man is a king, a king is a ruler, and a ruler is 12 inches. Still a man?

Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself.

"It's hard to create humor because of the unfair competition from the real world."
-- Peter's Almanac

How do you throw away a trash can?

Hey, just because I have a short attention span doesn't mean I...

I knew something was wrong when my imaginary friends wouldn't talk to me.

You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon.' Need I say more?
--Chris Rock